Hilarious Insurance Claims

Well known British comedian Jasper Carrott (father of The Office star Lucy Davis) made it a signature of his stand-up routine to read out hilarious insurance claims that people had submitted.

Here are ten of the best:

"The accident happened because I had one eye on the lorry in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind."
"I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."
"No one was to blame for the accident but it would never have happened if the other driver had been alert."
"I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car."
"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."
"I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk."
Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: Travelled by bus?
"I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."
"I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."
"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the hood. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."